You didn't fail
by lightwoods
Summary: "I'm yours. I've always been yours. I may have failed at getting you to love me like I love you, but I have loved you from the start" "You didn't fail." Jalec. JaceXAlec.


Jace Wayland's fists were tightly clenched at his sides. When he looked down at the red haired girl in front of him, it wasn't like he once had. Before he looked at her with love and longing. Now it was just confusion and regret.

"I can't help how everyone else acts, Jace." Clary said, her green eyes narrowing in anger.

"You don't get it, do you? Your mom and Luke support everything you do. My family- _the only true family I have ever had-_ thinks I'm a freak." Jace hissed.

"What are you saying? That you choose them over me? If they really loved you Jace, they wouldn't care. They would want you to be happy." Clary shot.

"They want what's best for me. They're my only family. If I lost them over this-"

"Over this? _Over this? _So our relationship means nothing to you, huh? Get out Jace, I don't want to see you." Jace just stood and stared at her. "I said GET OUT!" Clary shouted.

Jace scowled in her direction and slammed the door behind him as he left.

Alec Lightwood could hear them arguing again. He knew Jace too well to know that his parents not approving of the relationship was not the reason that Jace was having second thoughts. There had to be another reason for Jace wanting to end things. This made him think of Magnus, and how he too was using the excuse of his parents to stunt a relationship. Truth was that Alec still wasn't over Jace, and he regretted that chance he had in Idris with everything he had. Being in love with Jace was like standing in the roughest surf imaginable. Wave after wave of pain would wash over him, leaving him gasping for breath.

"I said GET OUT!" He heard Clary scream and the door slam.

Alec sighed, deciding that Jace needed a best friend right now. He grabbed his coat and a spare one, knowing that Jace would of forgotten to bring his own.

Jace was freezing. The streetlamp closest to him was flickering, dangerously close to going out. Then he would be cold, depressed and in the dark. Great. All he had thought about was getting out of the institute as fast as possible, and now he was stuck in the middle of central park with no jacket and no intention of going home. He collapsed onto a bench, wrapping his arms around himself in an effort to keep warm. What was he going to do about Clary? He knew he didn't want her anymore, like he did with all those other girls. He thought she was different, that he really loved her. She unlocked his heart, taught him to love-

"Jace?" A voice asked behind him.

_Alec. _

"What do you want?" Jace said, a little sharper than he had intended.

"It's cold out. I figured you didn't have a jacket" Alec replied, sounding slightly hurt.

Jace turned around and took the jacket out of Alec's arms and put it on gratefully.

"Thanks. I was freezing." Jace smiled, the light of the broken streetlamp unsteadily shining over the side of his face.

"Well what are Parabatai for if not to bring you a jacket when you run away from your girlfriend?" Alec said, attempting a light tone, which Jace saw through immediately.

"What am I going to do, Alec? I thought this one was different. I was sure she was different. She changed me, don't deny it, I'm different now because of her. But I'm bored of her. I don't love her anymore, I don't want her anymore." Jace said with a ring of finality, pulling at the roots of his hair with his hands.

Alec absentmindedly reached up and clasped Jace's hands in his own to prevent him from hurting himself.

"Jace, you can't help these things. You just have to tell her you feel differently towards her now. She might feel the same way. You should just be honest about it" Alec advised.

Jace nodded, knowing that Alec was right. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were entwined with Alec's. He didn't even notice before. Alec retracted his hands the instant he saw Jace staring and looked away quickly. They sat in silence for a moment; the only sounds were the leaves brushing along the path.

"Jace, I-" Alec began.

"I just wish I could go back in time to when we were in Idris and tell her that it would all be too hard." Jace interrupted. "That it would be too weird when we came back home, that it just wouldn't work out-" Jace stopped and looked away, knowing there was no use wishing on the impossible.

Alec sighed. "Yeah, well we all would rewind time to do things differently if we could"

"Oh really? When would you go back to, then?"

"Idris" Alec said shortly.

"Kissing Magnus like that in front of your parents?" Jace smirked.

"No. Not kissing you when I had the chance" Alec said and stared the ground. He couldn't bring himself to look at Jace, and probably never could again.

Jace breathed in sharply, as if something had hurt him. Alec looked up, alarmed, to find that Jace was breathing quite evenly with his eyes shut.

"You know" Jace started softly, eyes still shut "I always wondered why you didn't."

So they were going to talk about it. Alec prepared himself for the speech he had wanted to make for 6 and a half years.

"Jace." Alec said his name carefully, feeling every letter as it came out. "You knew how I felt about you. Did you know how long I felt it? Six and a half years, Jace. _Six and a half years! _It's like I was constantly shattered into 1000 pieces and no matter how hard I tried to put the pieces in place, they wouldn't fit right. For 6 and a half years I've always been broken, always trying to put the damaged fragments of myself back together. And it hurts, Jace. Like you wouldn't believe. But when I met Magnus, I stopped forcing the pieces to mend and they fell in the right places on their own. It was like I could breathe again. Everything stopped hurting and I thought I was over you." Alec took a deep breath. "Then you told me that you knew how I felt asked me to kiss you. Do you know what it's like to feel everything you've ever wished for and dreaded to be thrust upon you? And in that moment you asked me, every fantasy I had ever build about being over you crashed to the ground and I was shattered again. And I couldn't, I just couldn't-"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Alec." Jace said, his voice cracking.

Alec glanced up to find Jace's eyes staring into his. But Alec couldn't uncover any of Jace's usual fire. He looked destroyed, like somebody had just taken away anything that had ever mattered to him. Alec turned away, he couldn't handle seeing the boy he loved look like that.

"Jace. Please don't blame yourself. It's just-" Alec sighed and looked up. "I'm yours. I've always been yours. I may have failed at getting you to love me like I love you, but I have loved you from the start"

"You didn't fail."

With a burst of light, the broken lamppost exploded, leaving the two boys in the dark.


End file.
